GWBL – 2026 LEAGUE UPDATE – POST WEEK 3
Gentlemen,
I hope you’re all doing well and the NFL season is treating you kindly. For those of you on the East Coast, I hope you survived the monsoon. Nothing like a 5 day rain storm to really nail home the fact that summer is over and we won’t be able to catch a tan for the next 7 months. For those of us in the Northeast at least. Alas, my area avoided major flooding this past week and I am grateful for that.
What I am not grateful for is the start to this football season. On any level. Some of you may know this about me, but I have some unusual fan-hoods on my football resume. It may be repeat information but just for the sake of storytelling…. my first NFL love was the Green Bay Packers. My Mom’s family is from Montana and my Godfather was a bigtime Green Bay fan. (Uncle Geno, salt of the earth.) Eight year old JohnnyC fell in love with Brett Favre and the way he played the game. Reckless abandon, massive levels of confidence and gigantic balls. (Save your jokes, I’ve heard them all.) Plus there’s something about a small-town, fan-owned team that appeals to my old-fashioned sensibilities.
Separately and as we all know, the Northeast is a black hole for college football. It’s genuinely the one area of the country where there isn’t some nearby state school to root for. As any fan with nowhere to turn is prone to doing, I picked a notable program and started following them: The Ohio State University Buckeyes. I loved Eddie George in Madden 01 and enjoyed the tradition of the program, the marching band, the stadium, all of it. The red and silver on an Autumn backdrop in a packed stadium is just aesthetically pleasing. Plus I love rivalries and they have a built in one, not too different from Sox-Yanks (tonight, comeon Tolle). So I started watching them weekly…. Sure enough Maurice Clarett showed up and they won a national championship. I was hooked. With their “Yankee-like” spending of the past 5-8 years this seems like a classic front-runner move, but I’ve been a fan of the program since well before they became the “modern OSU” with NIL, etc. There have been some lean years in there, not to mention humiliating defeats. More on that shortly…..
Last but not least, of course, I’m a Patriots fan through and through. No front running here, I’m a Masshole and was lucky to grow up in the greatest era of sports any one city/region will ever see.
So why am I ungrateful? In the span of 5 days, my teams put forth the following “efforts”. In chronological order:
- Patriots: blew a 13-3 lead on Primetime in the NFL opener. Maye* have been the breaking point for our franchise QB.
- Buckeyes: blew a 23-3 lead in the fourth quarter against Texas on primetime the following Saturday night. Lamone baited me into betting him $50 on the game and I had to pay that up as well. I actually went to bed when it was 23-3 and woke up to that shitshow of a result. I imagine that’s what Rommel felt like when he woke up on June 6th 1944 to the news of the Normandy invasion. Or something close to it.
- Packers: not to be outdone, the Packers allowed 29 unanswered points (WTF) to Carson Wentz of all people and lost their Week 1 game 39-22. They were up 22-10 with 5 minutes to go in the third. And allowed 29 points in 20 minutes of regulation time. Actually 16 mins as the Vikings last score happened with 4 mins remaining. Embarrassing division loss to a backup QB.
But at least I have my fantasy teams right? Right…? RIGHT? I wish I didn’t. Those teams also had a bad week. 0-4. Didn’t crack 100 in three of them. My GWBL team disintegrated before my eyes.
You couldn’t make this up if you tried. A nightmarish hellscape of a twilight zone to kick off the season. Theon Greyjoy levels of torture at the hands of Ramsay Bolton. (Yes GOT references are still a thing, House of the Dragon is awesome.) All three of my “real life” teams lost in embarrassing fashion. All of my fantasy teams lost in embarrassing fashion. WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO THE DELTA I USED TO KNOW???
So….if you’re wondering why I haven’t put out any recaps, there you go. The fact that the sport of football has made me physically ill has something to do with it. I was also getting smoked at work, as is the case every September 15th (thanks Bryant U for launching my accounting/tax career!). On a more fun note, I’m also coaching both kid’s soccer teams this fall. Kindergarten and 1st grade. Fun times but keeping me busy along with their other activities.
BUT I AM BACK. The fog is lifting, the smoke is clearing, the rains are subsiding, whatever you want to say. I can’t promise I’ll get one out every week, but I’ll try to get into a groove with it. Since we haven’t done one yet, where better than some random thoughts on each squad. From first to worst:
Zay Less, 3-0 (Tone)
I’ve said in the text chat, but this will be a remarkable story if Tone goes from Gabe to Champ. His team is off to a torrid start and has gone for 150+ in each matchup. He put up the first 200-burger Week 1. He’s up 55 points on the next highest scoring team.
Josh Allen is doing a lot of heavy lifting, but he’s got studs up and down the roster. Ken Walker, Amonra, Bijan, Bucky, Pickens and of course, Zay Flowers***.
***Triple asterisk because I will take some of the credit for this keeper. I had to pester Tone into declaring a keeper, well after the deadline. He actually said he wasn’t going to keep anyone for a minute there but I exercised patience and he finally saw the light. Zay Flowers with a 6th round pick, which actually met some criticism in the league chat. But no one’s laughing now: Zay has scored 26 and 16 points in the two games he’s played. (Nice move by Tone to add Bateman and start him Week 2 when Zay was out.)
Let Him Cook, 3-0 (DMO)
DMO’s been making some noise in recent years and I feel like he’s on the path to a title (not a prediction, just a feeling). He’s been a strong competitor each of the last two years and he’s off to a great start so far.
His Ohio State WR duo is a beautiful sight: Olave and Garret Wilson are both top 7 in scoring. His keeper has been a homerun pick as well: Javonte Williams in the 12th round. Couldn’t get a better deal at a Costco. James Cook is a stud as well despite the fact Josh Allen is determined to lead the league in rushing TDs.
One major piece of news: Devon Achane is out for the season. Tough blow for DMO but his team can probably take the hit. Javonte slides into the RB2 spot and he he’s got some other options for the flex.
Don’t Tread on Brown, 2-1 (Tieg)
Tieg’s been a bit of a surprise and comes in at #3 in our scoring so far. The main story has been JSN, who’s having another cheat code season. While the rest of us were screaming at the TV when the Pats refused to cover or tackle him on that big week 1 TD, Tieg was sitting back with a smile on his face. Probably.
The thing is; Tieg’s team should only get better from here. He’s gotten somewhat slow starts from Ladd, Egbuka, Jefferson and Chase Brown. If those guys start hitting their high end outcomes Tieg will absolutely be a contender later on this season.
Kobe, 2-1 (Ken)
Ken hosted DMO and myself for the draft this year, had a great time and had too many drinks. Far too many. I’d love it if we could figure out a way to make it a yearly thing and start getting more of the league back for a live draft. This was a good start. Also non-football: Ken won the group chat early on this year with his AI chirp of Kev. The Kobe Lewis AI picture was hilarious, well done.
He has a strong team behind Jalen Hurts, Jonathan Taylor and Parker Washington. Great pick in the 7th round and I assume he’ll be Ken’s keeper next year. While Kobe Lewis was dropped, Kobe does have some good bench depth as well. Should be a solid season for Peabs.
Pitts Sucksadiq, 1-2 (Keetz)
While he’s at the top of the team name rankings, Keetz finds himself firmly in the middle of the actual standings. His team is good but he’s had some disappointing starts from guys like Travis ETIENNE (maybe time to change the pronunciation back), Rhamondre, Jordan Addison and Kyle Pitts. It’s not all bad as he has Gibbs (another cheat code), a breakout from Christian Watson and strong starts from Devonta Smith/Lamar.
I wouldn’t worry about Keetz’ team too much, he’s still a playoff contender. He scored 157 and lost in Week 1 so he’s one bad beat away from a winning record.
TUSH TUTEN TREASURES, 1-2 (Lamone)
Lamone also has a claim to stake in the team name rankings, as usual. Bhayshul Tuten aka BIG BUSH BHASHY (lol) is looking like a true breakout in his second season. He forms a really nice 1-2 punch with Jeremiyah Love on Lamone’s team.
Lamone was waving the white flag already but I’m not sure why. One, it’s way too early. Two he has some very good players: Tet, Ceedee, Kincaid, Jaylen Warren, Golden, etc. There is a lot of talent here.
And three…at the risk of exposing personal fantasy rants with by brother Pete….we often refer to Lamone as the “Fantasy Cockroach”. I’ve been playing with him in this league and in the Westford league (which my brother is also in) for the better part of 15 years. No matter how slow his starts are, no matter how out of it he seems to be, he just hangs around. Almost always making the playoffs, somehow just never dying. The Fantasy Cockroach. (It’s meant as a compliment, but fuck you Texas)
Chas Daniel Daniels, 1-2 (Kev)
Oh Kev, kev kev kev kev kev. I could just have AI write this one: “Kevin’s team seems to constantly be injured. Each year he suffers 3 or more catastrophic injuries to highly drafted players. This prevents him from competing and consistently leaves him frustrated in the group text. Beep boop beep.”
Jayden Daniels, Dallas Goedert, Nico Collins and Brock Bowers have all missed time. Barkley was injured although it seems he’ll be okay. Four or more key players injured already? Jesus wept.
All of that being said. Kev’s team is loaded due to some good draft pick trading last year. Even with his IR full his starting lineup is miles better than mine. Hopefully all of these guys are back soon, even if it’s just to replace the next round of injuries. Don’t give up yet Kev. Be like Lamone.
Maybe.Maybe not., 1-2 (Frader)
Drake Maybe…Maybe Not. I can go no further without getting into this and Frader’s team is the perfect opportunity. What can we even say that hasn’t been said in the 45 youtube videos I’ve watched of random sports analysts bemoaning these recent developments? Seriously, I’ve listened to two days worth of it and I can’t stop. You can’t take your eyes off a train wreck after all…
He’s clearly rattled, has the yips. Has no confidence in his offensive line or his own ability to make throws. Some have said his arm seems weaker, but I think it’s just a matter of conviction. Last year he was on top of the world and could do no wrong, he was letting it fly and it was beautiful. This year he’s in a funk and can’t even make basic throws. If he even gets the damn ball out of his hands rather than flopping it up into the air with two naked people popping out of the closet like a Goddamned magic show… and it ends…it ends with Mitch being taken off the stage by Vince Vaughn. (I’m spiraling.)
So what now? An ass beating at the hands of Josh Allen, hoooraaayyy. Just what this Patriots team needs.
But seriously, where do they go from here? I say we stick with our guy. Just dumb down the gameplan and play extremely conservative. Just pull out the Cam Newton offense from 2020 and live to fight another day. Week 4 isn’t about beating the Bills, it’s about saving Drake Maye’s psyche. The singular focus should be to not turn the ball over. Take 10 sacks for all I care, just do not create any foolish turnovers. Don’t do anything that ends up on the Not Top Ten. Do not allow Drake to bury himself any further.
That’s all I have for now, just leave me alone.
Ken’s Local Watering Hole, 1-2 (Commish)
I guess I have a reason to be happy? A Monday night miracle in which Luther Burden saved the day and possibly my season? Psh. My team is still a fucking joke thanks to Colston Loveland, the single biggest bust in all of fantasy. I went heavy on the Bears, only to watch Wiz Kalifa Raymond lead the team in receiving through three weeks. What a disaster. Props to Justin Herbert as well, Congrats on the new GF, glad to see things never change with the Chargers.
At this point I’m just praying to not be the Gabe. From Champ to Gabe, please no.
Pukakke, 0-3 (Dyl):
Despite being last, Dyl’s scored 50 more points than my team. He had a tough Week 1, scoring 151 and losing. Week 2 and 3 were not so promising though…. 193 combined points. Like my team he’s suffered from extremely below average starts: guys like Nabers, DK Metcalf, Rome Odunze etc just haven’t done much. The key is that Puka Nacua hasn’t played the full season. He came into the year banged up but played week one and put up 12 points. Not awful, but that’s about half of what you’re used to from him. He then sat Weeks 2/3 and we’ll see how it goes from here. Puka should turn it around, hopefully the rest of Dylan’s team can step up in the meantime.
