GWBL - 2026 LEAGUE UPDATE - WEEK 5

GWBL – 2026 LEAGUE UPDATE – POST WEEK 5

Gentlemen,

We’re back for another GWBL League Update – Week 5 edition. It’s been two weeks since we last checked in and we have some interesting developments to pick through. As with the last episode this will be a mix of topics. We’ll spend some time on head to head matchups, some time on player performances and some time on random Commish thoughts.

BUT FIRST – the Patriots. EAT YA HAHT OUT TONE, in full Boston accent. After an embarrassing 6-35 loss to the Jaguars (it somehow feels worse when you flip the score that way), the Pats have ripped off two statement wins in a row and sit above .500. The Bills game is “old news” at this point and we texted about it, but it was amazing. Coming out of Week 3 there were calls to bench Drake Maye. I wish I was kidding. There were actual pundits who get paid actual dollars to give opinions saying he should be benched for DeVito until he learned to limit the turnovers. It was a minority, but I did hear it 2-3 times. At best the temperature was lukewarm on Maye and the Pats in general. But mostly there was panic in the streets. The sky was falling. As for myself, I thought they should go ultra conservative. Cam Newton 2020 offense when he was 4 years past his prime and the WR2 on the team was Damiere Byrd. Just don’t turn the ball over, save Drake’s psyche and rebuild his confidence.

About that…. The Patriots came out against the Bills with their most aggressive approach in quite some time. It resulted in a beautiful win over Josh Allen in his own stadium. It was the living embodiment of the Undertaker gif where he sits up from the mat. A feel-good win that some say saved the season.  

They followed that up with a classic Patriots win. A blood bath victory, where you genuinely felt bad for the Raiders at times. It felt like the 2012-2018 Patriots teams where Tom was locked in and every 1PM game felt like an utter certainty. You’d kick back with some beers and be completely relaxed because you KNEW the Patriots were going to win by 10 or more. The offense was humming, the defense was playing opportunistic football and Belichick would commend the team for playing well “in all three phases” during every press conference. It felt good then and it feels great now.

Combine that with the Packers embarrassing Ben Johnson’s arrogant face and it was a great day of football (real football). So unlike last time I wrote, when I was reading self help books and hugging my knees while rocking back and forth, I’m going to TRY and take a positive note this week. No promises though. Let’s get into it:

(Projected records*)

Zay Less, 5-0 (Tone)

Tone continues to pace the league and is making it look easy. He has 157 points this week, with Josh Allen still left to play. An angry Josh Allen in primetime against a good opponent. He’s likely to lead the league in points after tonight and I won’t be surprised if he tops 200.

Everything is going well for Tone this year. Ken Walker on a bye? No problem, just plug Bucky into RB2 and get 35 points. Slow start from George Pickens? Not anymore, he drops 28 in the same TNF game. Even his bench is on fire, where Isaiah Likely will LIKELY get the “benchwarmer of the week” award from sleeper a day or two from now (had to). This is a clear contender who’s 2-3 weeks away from clinching a playoff spot.

Let Him Cook, 4-1 (DMO)

It looks like DMO’s 4 week win streak will come to an end this week as he’s currently projected to lose to Lamone. It won’t be for lack of star power though: he’s going to put up at least 140. Ran into a hot team at the wrong time, bad beat.

DMO’s team is so good he isn’t even feeling the impact of losing Devon Achane. You know you had a good draft when your roster is so deep that losing a top 15 pick doesn’t even register. A mere scratch! Then again, it may be addition by subtraction as Achane was off to a slow start.

I love the “Madden 2018” WR duo of Mike Evans and Davante Adams. Their combined age is old enough to retire and yet they’re still putting up week winning performances. Adams is WR16 and he hasn’t played yet this week. Evans just put up 26 against the Seahawks. Score one for the old guys.  

Kobe, 4-1* (Ken)

(*Not over but Frader has an uphill battle, see below.)

Kobe’s having a great start to the season regardless of the way MNF turns out. His team is really well balanced and very deep at WR. So much so that he has Drake London in his flex (we wait with bated breath on news about the Penix injury from last night’s game….that’s what she said?). Higgins, London, Parker Washington, Jameson Williams. Add in McBride who is effectively a top 15WR in the TE spot.

Speaking of which: the disrespect McBride got during draft prep season is confounding. The experts I listen to were saying he was a potential bust, that Drew Petzing’s departure would hurt him, that their deep WR group would take targets, etc etc. About that. TE1, 16+ points in 4 of 5 games. This is more of a macro-level gripe, but so-called experts over thinking fantasy football has really skewed my season results so far.

Back to Ken with a random thought… great pick to grab Aaron Jones in the 13th round. Another ageless wonder holding it down.  

TUSH TUTEN TREASURES, 3-2 (Lamone)

It’s time to discuss the landscape altering trade that occurred last week. It’s not every day, or every year, or ever, when the consensus #1 player gets moved before Week 5 kicks off. I don’t think its hyperbole to say that this is the biggest trade that’s ever occurred in this league. Certainly it was the biggest trade that’s occurred since we started moving future draft picks and keepers were involved.

Great move by Lamone, we have to tip our caps. After preemptively waving the white flag a few weeks ago, he realized he does in fact have a playoff team and traded for the best player in fantasy. Sure, the first round pick is valuable, but it’ll be in the bottom 5. Tuten is hard to part with as well and has keeper potential for next year, but it’s a very reasonable price to pay. Right on queue, Gibbs prints 42.7 points in Week 5. It sounds reactionary, but I think this will go down as the best trade ever made in our league.  

Another random thought…Is Ollie Gordon better than Devon Achane? He’s scored 18-20-18 in his three games since the injury. Meanwhile Achane had 6 and 9 in his two healthy games. This is of course an unserious question. I’d say it’s a microcosm of how this season has been for fantasy in general, but I’m not sure that would accurately capture how bizarre this season has been so far. Moving on.

Pitts Sucksadiq, 2-3 (Keetz)

Now to the other side of this for a hypothetical Q&A…

Was it too early to make this trade? Given that Keetz had my team on deck I’d say yes. A very winnable game, so why trade your best player? Should he have waited to see how Week 5 went when he had an easy matchup? Arguably.

Was this return enough to move Gibbs? A first and a potential keeper in Tuten (5th round) is a strong return. Then again, it’s Gibbs. It feels like a situation where there should have been a bidding war, but we don’t know if there were any other offers. It looks like Keetz put him on the block Tuesday and the trade was accepted Wednesday. I personally didn’t make any offers given my standing and maybe no one else made an offer. The market dictates the price.

If Keetz is willing to trade Gibbs, why did he ghost me when I made a trade offer for Christian Watson the next day? It feels personal, not gonna lie. Then again I take fantasy a little too seriously (gee ya think) and get irritated when trade offers go unanswered. I may have actually pulled off the win had I been able to acquire Watson (32 pts), which could have saved my season. Temporarily at least. But this leads me to the last question….

Will Keetz make playoffs anyway? Was this a diabolical trade to add draft capital AND stay in the playoff mix? Keep a leg on both sides of the fence, if you will. If his team drops further he can trade more pieces away. If he can take advantage of a weak lower class in the league, maybe he makes playoffs and still has extra draft capital. (me, Dyl, etc) This one I can’t say, only Keetz truly knows. (My team was projected to fucking win this recent matchup, but of fucking course it fucking shits the bed and probably wont even fucking break 100 points. Fuck me.)

Don’t Tread on Brown, 3-2 (Tieg)

Tieg had a down week, but it was probably for the best as he faced Tone. Unless he had a perfect lineup he wasn’t going to come away with the win.

One player I’d like to spotlight is Jaxon Smith Njigba. JSN continues to roll and is WR1 on the season (2nd overall player). He has 23+ points in 4/5 matchups and 100+ yards in those 4 games. He’s actually off to a better start than he was last year which is ridiculous. It’s curious that NFL defenses can’t stop an offense that runs through a single player, but he’s unstoppable.

Chase Brown is another interesting player. I always wonder if this guy is any good or if he just has fallen into an incredibly lucrative situation with the Bengals. He’s of course a capable runner, receiver, etc but would he produce if he was placed into an offense such as the Titans or Jets? What’s more important – talent or opportunity? One of the great mysteries of fantasy football.

Maybe.Maybe not., 1-4* (Frader)

(*Not over but Frader is banking on DJ Moore to actually finish a game tonight. Which is only a 50% chance. Nevermind hitting enough points to overcome Ken’s team.)

While Drake can drop the “B” from “Maybe”, it’s looking like Frader’s team might not be able to. Even though he’s about to put up a season high (133+), it looks like he’ll drop to 1-4 unless DJ Moore or a waiver add can put up 17+ on MNF.

I have to ask: did Frader have a contingency plan for DJ Moore? I know the reports were favorable towards the end of the week, but he’s still questionable going into MNF. It feels needlessly risky to bank on Moore suiting up on MNF without having a bench option locked and loaded. Rather than having a backup plan, Frader decided to roster two defenses this week. Interesting strategy. Not that I can critique anyone as I fucking suck at fantasy this year, but still. Objectively an interesting decision. (Is he just sleep deprived right now?)

Pukakke, 1-4* (Dyl):

*Calling that Dyl will upset Kev tonight on MNF.

This is why I typically wait until Tuesday to write the recaps. This matchup is truly in the balance. While Dylan’s down 116-142 and Kev still has a defense left, if anyone was ever going to lose this matchup, it would be Kev. Kursed Kev. Puka has only played in 2 games this season and 27 points is a ton from a WR, but we’ve seen this before. Puka actually scored 27.9 last week. Kev has the Rams D at home, but they’re playing Josh Allen. This will be very interesting.

MNF aside, it’s been a rough start for Dyl this year. His RB room is probably the culprit. Breece Hall, David Montgomery, RJ Harvey, Braelon Allen. He has a good WR-TE group but hard to overcome that RB room.

Chas Daniel Daniels, 1-4* (Kev)

*Calling that Dyl will upset Kev tonight on MNF.

Can’t overstate it, this is a monumental game for Kev’s team. Win and he’s in the mix at 2-3. Lose and he’s in the cellar at 1-4. I’d love to see the stats on making playoffs after a 1-4 start. I’d place the odds something like 10%, if not lower. If ever there was a time for Kev to get lucky, it would be now.

If he does win Kev could be a contender. Jayden Daniels came back and put up 37. Brock Bowers looked unbelievable yesterday against the Pats. He’s got CMC and Swift at RB. Jamar Chase and Nico Collins at WR. Some good depth. I’d like to see what this team can do if given a new lease on life, or just average fantasy luck.  

[NEW TEAM NAME INCOMING], 1-4 (Commish)

Seeing DMO and Ken’s early season success makes me a little suspicious of the live draft. Did I get roofied? I’m wondering if someone slipped me something at the bar to make me draft like a complete imbecile. Like the Austin trip. Come clean Ken and DMO!

In all seriousness live drafts are genuinely a weakness of mine. It’s something I’ve realized about my fantasy football “acumen”. I do not do well at live drafts. I get distracted, drink too much, etc. So it’s not that surprising that this wasn’t my best effort. Add in the back-to-back titles (NBD) and I was due for regression.

But this….this disgusting, pathetic, plague of a team is something I’ve never seen before. Something I never could have dreamed up in my worst shroom-infested nightmares. This team is flat out AWFUL. A Godforsaken, pestilential, talentless collection of assholes. Colston Loveland. What a joke. I’ll stop there before I get my heart rate up any further.  That’s it for today.